not feelin this

I'm just gonna keep my crap bottled up today. too much weird bull cocky to deal with in my head.

rare form...

I'm in a rare, anxiety-laden, back aching, pissy, edgy mood.

Last night, I was in that crucial first hour of falling into a deep sleep when I was awoken by a F***ING LAWN MOWER at 11PM. THE F***ING CRACKED OUT MAINTENANCE GUY DECIDES TO MOW THE F***ING LAWN. I angrily leaped out of bed, yelled out the window, with a failed response I proceeded to write the nastiest note and tagged it to his door, obviously he didn't hear me yelling out the window over the loud a** mower. I would have gone outside and gave him a piece of my mind, but that would have entailed getting dressed and having to confront the cracked out condescending conspiriacy theorist maintenance freak, which would have set me over the edge.
THEN..I let my landlady have if on her machine...OH! SORRY IF I WOKE YOU...BUT I WAS JUST WOKEN UP BY THE CRACKED OUT NEIGHBOR MOWING THE F***ING LAWN AT 11PM!!!! I think she was too scared to pick up the phone. Hopefully, I woke her up too.

30 MINS!! Later after he was done...and I'm still furious.....he must have read the note and yelled up "sorry "E" I didn't think you were home"...I'm thinking....your f***ing kidding me! what cracked stoner mows the f***ing lawn at 11pm, regardless of who is home.

SO..after my heart rate was raised to toxic levels I of course could not get back to sleep. hence the crappy mood.

Anyone reading this: stay off crack, and don't ever give into the urge to mow the f***ing lawn at 11pm, or any other hour when the sun is not out.

I need a nap. And I know, 11PM already in bed...lame.

earthquake day

excitement of the day: 5.4 quake! big un! why don't we name earthquakes like we name
hurricanes? I'm gonna call this one Earthquake Betsy.

today..

highlight: finding out that my Dad is a fan of this blog.

lowpoint: "work"

what I learned: read my Dad's blog on KM (knowledge management) ...he's a super smart overthinker, ;) and if you want to read what I mean... drfuzzy.wordpress.com

today's mantra: just go slow..don't rush.

quote of the day: i used to be snow white, but i drifted - Mae West

doin the right thing

that's right, I've been doin the right thing. taking care of my life this weekend.

lately, I've not been able to make a final decision to move, or not, from Los Angeles. secretly.. deep down..I knew part of my urge to leave has to do with my current living situation. i live with my X..a constant reminder of yet another failed relationship. but that living situation is changing. I found the courage to put my feelings first (big step for me..thank you: Rachel, Sara, Brian) and asked my X to move out. he agreed, and even went to say he knew it wasn't healthy either.

I'm scared of being lonely and relieved that we both can move on. I just need to be sure I'm not running away from a situation because I didn't want to hurt the other person feelings. sad but true.

a little ditty about my X: he didn't do anything wrong (like cheat)- he's so far the most trustworthy guy I've ever dated. we just didn't have chemistry. we were constantly off.

....anyway, when "X" is mentioned folks usually assume the worst about the other person...this isn't the case.

a huge part of me misses my family more and more and the other part says what about you? my Dad says moving will help take the focus off of me, however, until these past couple of years I don't think that I've ever really been clearly focused on me. I understand what he means. I have plenty of time, and I'll make another right decision.

don't forget to take time to smell the flowers....

Yamashiro!

if you've never been there, go. great sushi, great view of LA!  I recommend the darth vader roll, unagi sushi, hot sake and a sapparo! yummy goodness.